I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
