i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
