Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
