so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
