chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
don't judge my taste in strippers
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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