my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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