Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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