Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
