I just saw a hot homeless man
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I need moral support for this bender
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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