I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
