??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize