I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
