He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
