i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
