I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
