I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
