It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
