More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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