I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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