Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
