You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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