My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
