Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
