You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I am naked and annoyed.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
