Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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