my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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