using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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