literally had 100 drinks last night.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm both gender and math confused
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
