Banned from zoo.
Again?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
