It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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