there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
