Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
