when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
