we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
