Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
