i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
