Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
