A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize