I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
