I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
