Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Michael Bay diarrhea
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
