How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
