How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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