At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
