Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I need a beard to bite.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
