I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
