i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
