Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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