HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
