She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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