I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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