i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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