Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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