Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
