So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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