So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
