In the future we'll all be gay
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize