using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
