I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
