You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
