I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize