saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
