You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
